Mother’s Day before motherhood

If my math is correct, the majority of expecting mothers will experience one Mother’s Day while they are still pregnant before giving birth.

My fiancee is one of the expecting mothers to fall into that group.

This year, Mother’s Day (May 10) came 6 or 7 weeks before our planned delivery date in June.

The holiday also came one week after my fiancee’s own mother passed away, which I would assume put her in an even more unique situation: This was Taylisha’s first Mother’s Day since losing her mother, and the last Mother’s Day before she’d become a mother herself.

Several weeks before, I asked Taylisha if she wanted me to do anything for her on Mother’s Day. She said no, that she didn’t feel right celebrating the holiday before the twins were born. This was at a point in the pregnancy when she often said things still didn’t feel real. Since then, leading up to Mother’s Day, she went from not feeling much movement from the babies in her belly to constantly feeling movement, her bump growing a lot more, and her body going through some inescapably tough changes.

In other words, by the time Mother’s Day came around, the pregnancy felt real AF.

Still, when I asked her again closer to the holiday, she said she didn’t want to celebrate. I figure it’s similar to a newly-pregnant couple not wanting to tell their loved ones about the pregnancy before the 12-week mark. Not wanting to jinx anything, and not allowing themselves to get too happy in case something goes wrong.

I understand it. At every milestone point in the pregnancy — first finding out, gender reveals, baby shower (which was ultimately canceled thanks to COVID-19), baby registry — I’ve felt equal parts excitement and trepidation. Pregnancy puts you in this position unlike anything else where fear is always looming to temper the festivities.

So I didn’t do anything special for Taylisha on Mother’s Day. (I have something major already planned for 2021, though.) But that didn’t stop a long line of friends and family from calling and wishing her a Happy Mother’s Day or “Almost Mother’s Day” as one friend put it.

Each family that is expecting on Mother’s Day will handle it in the way they feel comfortable, but it seems like society at large knows which way it’s leaning.

Throughout April and early-May, I couldn’t scroll Facebook without seeing advertisements for Mother’s Day t-shirts designed for pregnant women. If Taylisha had given me the green light to celebrate Mother’s Day for her, I almost definitely would’ve bought one of those customized “Happy 1st Mother’s Day” shirts featuring an ultrasound photo of the twins.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: